Michelle Obama Befouls Title of First Lady


It is common knowledge that upon her arrival at the Whitehouse in 2009, Michelle Obama spuriously accused the chauffer staff of pilfering the fleet assigned petty cash box. It contained $75. She hastefully fired them and cancelled their pension plans, leaving them humiliated and destitute. One of the chauffeurs, 32 year old Constance Luttrell, committed suicide by self-inflicted gun-shot wound to the throat the following week while sitting at her family dinner table alongside her husband and children. When asked to comment, Michelle, who had been consuming alcohol that day, abruptly declared “yo this ain’t no Whitehouse, bitches, welcome to the Blackhouse”. Not long thereafter, five immigrant men from India were hired as the new Whitehouse chauffeurs. When our correspondents tried to speak with these replacement drivers they became enraged and said they could only speak Indian. Regrettably, the ensuing indiscretions Michelle Obama is now charged with are even more abhorrent.

Information released by pentagon officials this week reveals America’s first lady, Michelle Obama, is not of black African descent. This evidence asserts that she is actually Indian from India who has been posing as a negro. This allegation is substantiated by recently released Indian government documentation including her original birth certificate. This claim is further validated by subsequent D.N.A. tests on the first lady’s saliva which was salvaged from her discarded cigarette butt by Canadian independent journalist, Robin Roth, in September. Results from this analysis prove her birth name to be Aryan Vivaan, born in India into the Kshatriyas class, an elite upper level of the Indian caste system. Her biological father is reportedly overseeing over 55 Indian sex slaves contained in a haram in Mumbai. 

Slavery is common in India where there are over 2 million people who are forced to perform sex work including oral stimulation of the anal cavity for no pay except for bland tasting yet life sustaining curry. Many of them are referred to as “extra babies” due to the fact they are the unwanted by-products of impoverished surrogate mothers who are paid to ingest fertility drugs which increase fetus production. Like a manufacturing plant, they routinely extrude litters of up to 8 babies per term. It is an occupation the culture of open defecation naturally grooms young women for throughout India. It is an industry that derives most of its revenues from desperate, infertile Americans who are wealthy and in the market for babies. This is purportedly where Michelle sourced her Obama Whitehouse staff from, including the housekeeping services staff who courageously broke this story.

L: 2015 India: drugged surrogate and her litter of babies for sale     R: 2015 India: “Poo to the Loo” Unicef campaign to discourage culture of open defecation

Further additional statements from former kitchen staff who are Mexican immigrant women substantiate accounts of Michelle forcing them under threat of termination of employment to slide fruits and vegetables including bananas and cucumbers into their vaginas. For the purpose of lubrication, Michelle provided only Vicks Vaporub and the women disclosed that it burned and was painful on their “latina vajeenas gringo”. Their statements to authorities further describe how Michelle offered $5 per inch to coerce the impoverished workers into incrementally forcing the aforementioned produce up into their strained cervixes. Three of the victim statements claim to have reached 5 inches which earned $25 each while another championed a full ten inches. After their vaginal walls consequently collapsed, several kitchen staff stated that they required reconstructive surgery on their vagina holes as they had been stretched so loose they were rendered useless for pleasuring men in a sexual fashion. Moreover, according to official medical documents, one of the complainants now suffers from onset vaginal-anal amalgamation resulting in a single unfortunate hole which mingles her vaginal discharge with fecal sludge and urine.

mo52016: staff witness sadistic dog crucifixions at Oval office

Whitehouse security staff meanwhile reported witnessing Michelle at 3 AM on Aug 15/16 in the oval office consuming alcohol and emitting sexualized groaning sounds while throwing lawn darts at the president’s 2 dogs who were tied to crosses with duct tape as if being crucified. They also had their mouths taped shut with duct tape to muffle their cries and avoid arousing suspicion. Witnesses did not report this incident at the time for fear of getting fired. Fanta and Fresca did not deserve to suffer such an atrocity. 

The First Lady’s cavalier sadism and blatant disregard for humanity painfully evidenced: Fanta and Fresca in 2015 on the left followed by replica Fanta and Fresca substitutes in 2016

First Lady Obama’s extradition hearing is scheduled for this March. Charged with perverse fecalization causing bodily harm and two counts of aggravated pet crucifixion it is expected that she will soon be returned to India where she will likely continue to promote her unwholesome agenda of widespread open defecation and tacky fashion sense.



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